Guess who I saw…..
Last night I was out in the Ford Focus Sport heading east along Glen Huntly Rd looking for an evening sugar hit when the railway crossing lights began flashing and the boom gates descended in front of me.
As I sat waiting patiently for three metro trains to pass I looked into my rear view mirror and spotted Santa in his bright red suit. He was cursing away at the incessant ding dinging and the protracted time it was taking for the trains to pass.
He was in the Blue Uber and his portly shape was silhouetted against the bright orange glow of the setting sun.
He looked hot, flustered and bothered.
Santa had not been spotted for ages; not since the 2016 Boxing Day Test match at the MCG where he had run into his mate Kirk Ham*.
Now, I know a lot of what I say is actually hearsay, but this I know, is in fact a fact, as it was I who spotted the two of them swilling lagers down by the fence in the members bay.
It seems that Kirk may have led Santa astray that day, not just for the swilling of lagers in the members dry zone, but for suggesting he jump on board the Tiger Train for the 2017 footy season. (Santa was previously footy agnostic)
A short time after this, I had heard from a friend who confirmed that Santa had indeed taken up Kirk’s invitation, and that he was relishing the whole Tiger Train thing.
Santa and Kirk celebrated long and hard after each Tiger victory last year; celebrations that reached a peak after the granny, where the partying continued on from the ‘G’ at both the Cricketers Arms and the Corner Hotel.
Someone with the twitter handle @tigersloveyaforever tweeted a day after the granny that he had seen Santa dancing his way into a barber shop on Swan Street…. and that it was after this that he seemed to have disappeared. A replacement Santa had to be found for Xmas 2017 through Seek.
Naturally, this story trended on twitter for days under the hashtag wheressanta.
As the Tigers winning streak continued to grow into this year, so too did Santa’s passion for his team. He was eventually spotted at various home and away games around Melbourne. I heard that Santa was dead sure that back to back celebrations were coming his way. He just couldn’t wait.
Until, of course, the tall mountain of a man from the US ran amok at the ‘G’ in one of the finals….Coxy? I think that was his name, yep, Coxy, number 46 in the black and white. He was the one responsible for the Pies pummelling of the Tigers that night in late September; responsible for hounding Santa out of the ground and back to his Magical Christmas Kingdom as the crowd chanted U-S-A.
Poor Santa’s high hopes had unravelled drastically, but this was how his senses were finally knocked back into place.
Reality had hit. Kirk Ham’s Tiger Train had crashed.
Besieged with remorse and struggling to fit his once shapely body back into the seams of the red suit, Santa realised the gift supply at the Magical Christmas Kingdom was now utterly depleted.
And in the back of his mind, a nagging thought made him question the wisdom of hanging out with his mate Kirk in the future.
With a meagre fifteen days now until Christmas it’s no wonder then, that Santa’s cursing could be heard emanating from the Blue Uber on Glen Huntly Road last night.
If I spot him again, I promise I’ll let you know.
*Kirk Ham is a mate of Santa’s. They met down at The Wick after an Amo’s Xmas Party back in the early 90’s.
(This is a Xmas spirited story built on from the ones I did in 2016; iPad drawing)