Coaches 

I really love it that you have taken the time and effort to coach our young kids this year. It can be challenging job and I know you can be pestered from the sidelines on almost any issue, at any time.

However, when the season ends and you are done with either celebrating or commiserating, it would be greatly appreciated if you could clear all of the football paraphernalia that may have infiltrated your family home.

I know of many homes, my own included, in which fomal lounge rooms, good rooms, front rooms, spare rooms, family rooms, bed rooms and even kitchens, have morphed into satellite club rooms.

It seems any redundant or vaguely empty domestic surface can become a receptacle for the myriad of things that make up the Coaches Kit; from wire crates, full of grubby drink bottles that need rinsing, to flouro vests, footballs, clipboards, rosters and league guidelines to mention just a couple.

Coaches, please understand, that this footy stuff lying about upsets the aesthetic appeal of the carefully curated living area, with some becoming so heavily cluttered that they are ruled out of bounds for general use (see above).

In removing all this gear, you will restore your homes interior to its former, pre-season decorative glory, where cushions, only a few months ago sat nicely scattered, and throw rugs hung, artfully draped.

You may find also that any marital or partnership discord will resolve itself naturally as a consequence, and that your families will be able to move freely about the house again, with somewhere to sit, read, eat and possibly even, communicate.

Yours truly

Coaches Wife

P.S. Forgive me if you think I am unnecessarily pestering coaches, but the season here in Melbourne has been relentlessly heckled by an antarctic chill. A lack of sunshine and Vitamin D may have affected my disposition.

Bring on Summer.